Shared motherhood IVF, a wonderful way to start a family

What happens when you want to share the whole fertility journey? Mica and Laura decided ‘shared motherhood IVF’ offered a unique way for them both to feel fully involved and together they are celebrating their daughter’s first birthday.

We both wanted to be involved

“We liked the idea of shared motherhood because it meant we could both be closely involved, but we kept changing our minds about whose eggs we would use and who would carry,” says Mica, aged 33. “In the end we decided to use Laura’s eggs and for me to carry. You don’t know if it’s going to work or if you only have one shot, and we wanted to both be involved.”

Laura (now 37) had considered going solo with IVF before she met Mica. Of their shared treatment she says: “Shared motherhood process involves one of you ‘donating’ your eggs to your partner. The consultant at Bourn Hall explained to us that egg donors don’t usually donate after 35, so, as I was 34 and Mica was younger, we made the decision to use my eggs first.

“We had both always wanted children but obviously knew, being a same-sex couple, that we would need some kind of ‘intervention’. I already knew someone who had been to Bourn Hall and I had heard good things about the clinic.”

Shared motherhood IVF with donor sperm

For shared motherhood IVF one partner has ovulation stimulation to produce many eggs at the same time. These are fertilised with donor sperm and one of the resulting embryos is transferred to her partner’s womb to carry the pregnancy. The remaining embryos are frozen for potential further treatment.

Bourn Hall has its own sperm bank, patients also have the option of sourcing their donor from an external sperm bank to give them a wider selection of characteristics. Mica and Laura chose Cryos, a sperm bank in Denmark.

“It was a bit daunting at first to consider going elsewhere for a donor,” says Laura. “But it was very easy. We chose the donor and paid for the sperm, and it was sent straight to Bourn Hall.”

Once the couple had undergone tests, they took medication to synchronise their cycles, so that Mica’s womb would be ready to accept an embryo.

“They put Mica’s ovaries to sleep and mine into hyperdrive,” laughs Laura.

Good option

Shared motherhood IVF is a good option if both partners want to share the experience.

“At times we both found the process difficult,” says Mica.  “If one of us had been solely doing all the injections, taking all the medication, it would have been even harder. Having someone else who kind of understands what you’re going through is good.”

The original plan was that they would each carry a baby made with the other’s eggs, they have instead decided to use their frozen embryos.

“I really want to get pregnant and carry a sibling for Addison if I can,” says Laura. “It would feel like a waste not to try with the embryos we already have.

“For us, shared motherhood gave us both a sense of ‘I’m involved in this.’ And it has taught us that genetics don’t make family. Addison shares my genes but she is just as much Mica’s, and it would not have mattered who carried her.

“IVF has given so many couples, both heterosexual and same-sex, hope that they can have children,” adds Laura. “It is a scientific miracle, and we are eternally grateful.”