Baby Isabella brings joy and comfort this Christmas

Last December, Zoe could hardly bear to look at the result of the pregnancy test but to her delight, just days before Christmas, it gave a positive result, news of her rainbow baby was the best present ever.

Although the couple’s first IVF treatment was successful, Zoe wouldn’t be able to relax until the baby was born. She had devastating lost her first baby, a boy, at 34 weeks following a natural conception.

“After losing our son, who we named Alfie, I had felt completely terrified at the thought of getting pregnant again. It was so scary; I wasn’t sure if I could go through it a second time,” she says.

Give yourself permission to grieve

This feeling is very understandable, says independent fertility counsellor Jackie Stewart “Losing a baby, at any stage of a pregnancy, can you more nervous about trying to get pregnant again.

“It is perfectly natural to feel anxious and sad whilst trying for a baby. Give yourself time to heal and permission to grieve for the sense of loss you are feeling.”

Found pregnant women triggering

Zoe remembers feeling very isolated. “Three of my friends were pregnant, and I remember feeling so left behind. I knew that was the life I wanted but it had been taken away from me and I found the sight of pregnant women triggering.

“But as time went on. I realised that my longing to have a child was greater than my fear of losing another pregnancy.

“Adam and I talked about it and knew we wanted to have a baby together and we decided after six months that the time was right to try again.”

The couple had been together since they were teenagers and had become pregnant the first time within a few months of trying, but this time it didn’t happen.

“I just knew in my head that something wasn’t right,” says Zoe. Fertility tests subsequently confirmed that underlying medical condition was making the couple’s chances of conceiving again naturally very slim – and they would need IVF.

“We were entitled to NHS-funded IVF and chose to go to Bourn Hall’s Cambridge clinic.”

Rainbow baby brings hope before Christmas

The next day Adam said, ‘just do the test again even though you know the result’.

Zoe continues: “So, I did and just left it in the bathroom, he encouraged me to check it. We both went in to look. It was positive result, I literally could not believe it. It was two days before Christmas, so an early Christmas present.

“I was really anxious for most of my pregnancy because of what happened before, 34 weeks felt like a psychological milestone, once I was past that I found the rest of the pregnancy a bit easier. I was very well looked after by the hospital and my consultant who was amazing.”

Support from the midwife

“I was apprehensive, when I went into Hinchingbrooke Hospital, but our midwife was wonderful. She knew about our loss. She came into the room and said: ‘you are going to have a baby, it is going to be amazing. You are going to enjoy it.’

“When Isabella arrived, I think our overwhelming emotion was one of relief. It felt amazing. I looked at Adam and we both breathed a sigh of relief and I said, ‘we’ve made it.’

“Alfie will always be a part of our lives. We talk about him to Isabella already and we have just as many pictures of Alfie up in our house as we do of Isabella. He was the baby that made me a mum and taught me so much about myself. Such a loss shapes you as a person, but now I can remember him with love.

“This Christmas is going to be so special; we are really excited.”