A regulated clinic means our children can ‘own’ their IVF story 

“We found and chose Bourn Hall in pretty much the same way that we chose our wedding venue…we searched online! Several same-sex couples had their IVF story on the website and it felt ‘comfortable’.  Also, as we live in Northamptonshire, it’s only a 40-minute drive from our home to the Cambridge clinic.”

Shelley, 33, and her wife Lucy, 38, had always wanted children

“The subject of children came up on our first date,” says Shelley. “Probably because we were both a bit older when we met.”  

“When we began our IVF journey we considered going abroad, financially it could be cheaper, but for us we liked that by using a registered clinic in the UK, we as parents had equality. And our future children could choose to find out some basic information about the unknown donor we used. That way if they choose, they can learn more about where part of their DNA comes from.

Wanted them to own their IVF story

“We wanted our child/children to be able to say ‘this was my parents’ journey to having me and this is my story’. It was important that we were both equal in our roles as parents.  Legally, emotionally and practically.

“Before our treatment we also had the counselling offered by Bourn Hall. This was helpful as the counsellor raised a question that we hadn’t thought of. She said ‘have you thought about how you will explain your journey to a little one?’

“She suggested we buy all family members the same reading book so that we would all use the same terminology.

“Lucy went online and found a wonderful book called ‘Zak’s Safari’ written by Christy Tyner. It’s a story about donor conceived children in a two mum family. Now anyone who may have involvement in our child/children’s upbringing can provide a consistent story for them and it provides a child friendly way of explaining the family.”

Choosing a sperm donor

“One of the first things we needed to do was choose a sperm donor. As we were using my eggs we wanted the sperm donor’s characteristics to match Lucy’s as best as possible. Bourn Hall gave us a shortlist of six potential donors from their sperm bank; each had a goodwill message.

“The one we chose said that he and his partner had a family through IVF after years of infertility and they wanted to give something back – we were quite touched by that.”

“We opted to have IVF treatment rather than IUI because we thought our chances would be higher. 

“I don’t think that people who haven’t been through an IVF journey understand how much it takes over your whole life. My work was good – they allowed me to work from home during treatment. 

“At our egg collection, we got three eggs. All three fertilised but by day two we had lost one and by day three Bourn Hall recommended we transfer the embryos. 

Baby number two

“I was tired after Evie and thought it was because I was a new mum, but the GP said I should have recovered by now and after some tests I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which is an underactive thyroid. We wanted a second child, but I was prescribed thyroxine and told to wait for a year. 

“Our second treatment at Bourn Hall also worked first time and we are pregnant again. As before two embryos were put back and one has taken and we are due in November. 

“It is absolutely crazy that our IVF worked first time both times. It was only afterwards that we realised how lucky we were. 

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