Struggling with loneliness caused by infertility? You are not alone

“It can feel very lonely when it seems as though you are the only one who can’t conceive,” says Katy, a former Bourn Hall patient. The theme for Mental Health Awareness Week 2022 is loneliness, and many people struggling with infertility talk about feeling excluded from a club.

“The news that we would need IVF hit us pretty badly” she continues. “It was very hard to stay positive. It seemed as though everyone we knew was getting pregnant and one of the hardest things was the constant stream of baby announcements on social media. I even had people telling me how ‘whoops’ they had fallen pregnant ‘by accident’ and how easy it had been. I felt really happy for people but at the same time I felt this insane jealousy.”

You are not alone

Specialist fertility counselling support is available for Bourn Hall patients in treatment to help support your feelings and to provide helpful information. There is also a Fertility Support Group that meets on the second Wednesday of each month.

Jackie continues: “It can be comforting to know help is at hand if you are struggling at any point. Accepting and talking about your feelings can be a scary prospect, but it can also be easier than resisting them continually.”

It is very much worth remembering that according to Fertility Network UK, 3.5 million people in the UK go through some kind of ‘fertility challenge’. The charity saw a 300 percent increase in calls during the pandemic.

Sources of help, like Fertility Network UK are given below.

How to keep your friends and your mental wellbeing

Charlotte, another patient, says she can also relate to that feeling of increasing isolation: “I used to find going on social media really difficult at times when friends were announcing pregnancies or posting photos of their children and I would suffer from massive FOMO (fear of missing out).

“My friends were always really understanding but I did start to panic that I would get to 40 and have no baby and no friends because I had cut myself off socially or alienated people. That became more and more of a worry.”

Jackie provides some tips for keeping friends, while building your own resilience:

Get fit – take the 80 Miles In May challenge

Being in good shape physically, will not only make you feel better but can also help boost your natural fertility. Walking with a friend can provide companionship and helps conversations to flow.

Why not invite someone to take the 80 Miles In May challenge with you to raise awareness and funding for the Mental Health Foundation. It will also help open the conversation if you are struggling.

Becoming more open with close friends, helped Adam and Anna cope better with their loneliness.

Anna remember the isolation and heartache they felt trying for a baby month after month with no success. “We were in our own little bubble and thought that we were the only ones struggling.”

Adam says that Anna had developed ‘pregnancy goggles’. “She could spot pregnant women a mile off and it would upset her.” he says. “It is only now that we are open about our situation that we realise that there are plenty of people out there who have experienced fertility issues or know someone who has and that we are not unusual.”

You can join or follow the conversation on social media using #IveBeenThere and #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek. If you sign up to walk, run or jog as part of the 80 Miles in May challenge share your photos using #80MilesinMay.

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