Mum reveals heartbreak of secondary infertility

As the schools go back, Heidi remembers the pain she felt watching the other mums with their second baby.

“Not being able to get pregnant when I already had a child was a very lonely experience,” she says. “It was difficult for other people to understand how I felt because they would take the view that I should be grateful that I had one child and not get so stressed about being unable to have another.”

It is estimated that around five per cent of the population experience ‘secondary infertility’, which is when a person has difficulty conceiving when they already have a child.

Heidi will be sharing her experiences at a special Fertility Support Group meeting on the 9th September.

Periods more irregular

Fertility declines with age and so as a woman gets older the length of time it takes her to get pregnant increases. After 12 months of not conceiving Heidi went to see her GP.

“I had got fed up with people telling me to ‘just relax’ when I told them I couldn’t get pregnant,” says Heidi. “Also, my periods, which had always been as regular as clockwork, were becoming a bit more hit and miss.”

Heidi’s GP sent her for hospital tests, where nothing was picked up, whilst James had semen analysis tests which also all came back as normal. “I was put on Clomid for six months but nothing happened. As we already had a child we were not entitled to NHS-funded IVF so we had reached the end of the road with the NHS,” says Heidi. “By this point we had been trying to get pregnant for two years.”

Heidi and James decided to look at their options moving forward and got in touch with Bourn Hall Clinic to explain their situation. “As soon as we contacted Bourn Hall things started moving really quickly,” says Heidi. “To start with I was given ovulation induction medication and we had timed sexual intercourse but still I couldn’t get pregnant naturally.”

Further investigations at Bourn Hall, which treats both NHS and self-funded patients, revealed that James had antibodies in his sperm which may have been a contributory factor in the couple being unable to get pregnant, along with Heidi’s increasingly irregular ovulation. “We were advised that IVF would be our best option,” says Heidi.

Spiralling into despair

Heidi had been full of hope after embryo transfer but when she didn’t fall pregnant at their first IVF attempt she found herself spiralling in to despair.

“I would normally say that I am quite a strong character and there are not many things over the years which have broken me but I have to say that this did,” says Heidi. “It was really tough. I became really reclusive.

“It all became too much. I was trying to be a mum, wife and daughter whilst doing a job where my employers didn’t understand. I was told that I would have to make up any time I took out for appointments and that just added to my stress.”

Four months after the couple’s unsuccessful first IVF attempt they went back for a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) using one of the embryos remaining from their first treatment.