Egg sharing was a win-win for us and another couple

“My three best friends all fell pregnant around the same time.  Fortunately I became pregnant at the same time but I questioned ‘what if I hadn’t? How would I feel then? How would I feel if I had to wait 4 years before someone donated an egg to me? Would you look at your friends with jealousy or wonder who is going to help me and my husband?’

“It made me realise egg donation is something money can’t buy – it’s a waiting list – and we were in a privileged position where we could help give another couple hope and ultimately, if treatment is successful, a child of their own.”

So the Essex couple decided to investigate egg sharing as they considered having another child and after research discovered that Bourn Hall Clinic had a programme.

Matthew adds: “This was one reason why we changed to Bourn Hall and on seeing the clinic and realising it had such a friendly, relaxed atmosphere we knew it was the right place for us. To see your wife happy takes off some of the pressure and you also feel better as all you are able to do is support her.

Dr Tom Mathews at Bourn Hall explains: “Bourn Hall was one of the first clinics to introduce an egg-sharing programme. A woman’s fertility treatment often results in the production of more eggs than she may need and these eggs can be used to help another patient to conceive a child. If a woman is happy to donate eggs she is given an opportunity to write a message to any resulting child, which the child can request when he or she becomes 18.  The donor is also able to provide a pen-sketch of themselves which can be given to the recipient.

“This outline includes information about the donor’s physical appearance, interests, skills, reasons for donating but it must be non-identifying.  The donor is also able to contact the Clinic, at least a year after the donation, to find out if there have been any successful births resulting from the donation.”

Lucinda applied to join the egg sharing programme and Bourn Hall’s medical team were able to confirm that she met the eligibility criteria.

“I was so glad when they told me I was eligible. We thought it was a good thing to do and we were in a fortunate position where we could help others.

“We already knew the infertility issue was with my husband and not with me. In some sense we thought we therefore had it easy.  It is a lot easier to deal with male infertility than female infertility and I’d been successful in getting pregnant the first time I’d had IVF.”

“We did talk long and hard about it, including the emotional impact and how donating would affect us if the other couple had a child and we didn’t.”Matthew continues: “Once we had decided to go ahead with egg sharing this did help to reduce the cost for our IVF treatment, which meant that if it did fail we could have funds to do it again, plus we were helping somebody else. We saw that as a plus because we knew that Lucinda could have children and we were giving someone else the opportunity to. They were going to benefit, so it was win win for us.

Matthew continues: “Our biggest challenge was convincing some of our wider family members who didn’t quite understand the process. I think as the process had been explained well to us we understood it and were therefore able to make an informed decision based on emotions and our circumstances.Although Lucinda and Matthew were convinced that they wanted to donate eggs other family members were not so sure.

Lucinda successfully fell pregnant and in May 2014 baby Timothy was born, a baby brother for their first son Edward.

Lucinda said: “It was a miracle that both our IVF treatments worked first time. I’m not sure if the lady receiving our donated eggs did successfully fall pregnant but I’d certainly consider donating eggs again if it can help another couple become a family.”

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