Coping with Christmas: Dealing with friends’ good news

It is Christmas and the time for ‘round robin letters’ and get-togethers – which means that someone might be announcing a pregnancy. As much as it might feel as though pregnancy is coming all too easy for everyone else you won’t know everyone’s story; it might be that your friend, family member or work colleague has been trying to conceive for years, but for now they are just another on a growing list of people that have told you they are pregnant.

Once you move into the phase of being ‘un-pregnant’  – the time when you have realised that things are not going to happen as fast as you want – then you also become acutely aware that everyone else seems to be finding it easy.

The key is to find methods of coping:

Give yourself some distance – quietly remove yourself from social media for a while and re-focus, perhaps by spending a bit more one-to-one time with real friends who aren’t going through this phase.

It is okay to think but not to act – “I hate your outwardly perfect life and I hope your baby never gives you more than two hours’ sleep” but try not to say it out loud.

If it’s a close friend that is pregnant  – tell her you are delighted for her but be honest and explain that you are struggling with your own sadness.

Be kind to yourself, make excuses  – it’s not horrible to feel this way. It’s natural. If it is all too much, simply take yourself out of the equation – much better than to spend an hour sobbing afterwards.

Take action – being informed about your fertility is the first step towards pregnancy.  Find out if there is any reason for your failure to conceive and get good advice about your options. Eating better, feeling fitter, making time to be with your partner can all help boost fertility.

More information

Are you dreading Christmas? All those family gatherings, the focus on children, the awkward questions…  you are not alone. The December Fertility Support Group, being held online on 11 December 2024, will focus on sharing coping strategies and will be led by Jackie Stewart, an independent fertility counsellor. Find out more and book here.

Support available at Bourn Hall for the Fertility Journey.

Bourn Hall’s support and counselling options.

Read our blog on Fertility Support.