Bedfordshire mum’s baby joy after ‘grief cycle’ of infertility

“It was like a grief cycle every month, it was so draining,” says Megan from Bedfordshire as she remembers trying to get pregnant. “Some months were really hard. I would have a little cry at home in the morning and then go to work and support others.”

It felt so cruel

Megan was 33 when she met partner Rick, and says it soon became apparent that they were both keen to start a family, but it was not to be: “I have always wanted to be a mum, It felt cruel that I had finally met someone in my thirties who was on the same page as me about settling down and we were unable to conceive,” she says. “When I look back now, grief was such a big part of the journey.”

Megan is sharing her story to raise awareness of how infertility can impact mental health and wellbeing ahead of Fertility Week (November 4-8) which takes the theme ‘Fertility in Mind”.

I would put on my brave face for work

“Both Rick and I have jobs that involve helping others and supporting them when they are going through difficult times,” says Megan. “Every month that we tried to conceive I would get my period again and it was like a little grief. I would then have to put on a brave face for work.

“When we were unable to conceive most of our friends had at least one child or were having their second child. It was tough. I remember feeling as though I was on the ‘outer circle’ which was quite an isolating place to be. I craved that ‘ticket to parenthood.’ It was just very difficult and a lot to process.

Taking action

“Bearing in mind our ages, we thought it would be good to get some tests done quickly.”

Keen for answers the couple self-referred to Bourn Hall Clinic for a ‘Fertility Health and Wellbeing Check’ and the results came back in days.

“By acknowledging your feelings as grief they are validated and become easier to understand,” she says. “Although the feelings will vary according to the individual, they often include anxiety, sadness, failure, guilt, anger, insecurity, shock, numbness, envy, devastation, depression, despair, hopelessness, loneliness, emptiness.

“That is why support groups, including those provided by Fertility Network UK, are so important, it creates a space to talk to others on a similar journey, who can understand your feelings, so that you feel less alone.”

Hardly bear to look at the result

Megan and Rick’s IVF treatment at Bourn Hall worked first time, but Megan was so nervous she could hardly bear to look at the pregnancy test result.

 “I was building myself up for failure,” she remembers. “I had counted more than 20 months of unwanted periods when we had been trying to conceive naturally and so I had been limbering myself up for yet more disappointment. When we saw that the test was positive it was the most magical moment of my life.”